i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
