i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
