Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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