just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
