Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
