i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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