I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
