hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
