I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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