i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
