she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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