Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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