No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
