What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
