A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
