when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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