We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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