They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She said her name was "party"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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