She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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