Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
