i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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