yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
