i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
