Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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