Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
