I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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