If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
