Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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