Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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