But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
