probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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