its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
