I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
