the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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