walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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