EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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