Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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