Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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