I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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