AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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