Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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