I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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