My friends, they love my intelligence
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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