oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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