You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to sanitize my soul.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
