i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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