i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize