I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
