oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
