Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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