I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found puke in my bra..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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