So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize