btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I had to cum in my sink.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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