arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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