I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
