In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
