I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
