i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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