She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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