I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize