Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
