HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
