He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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