I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
