my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
