Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
