Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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