Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think my moral compass just broke
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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