He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
