Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
