I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
