I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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