Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
