She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
