I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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