I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
