I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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