I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
