At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
