i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
