I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
